I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
