There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
