Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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