Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
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Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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