i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
