and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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