I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
