census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
