idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
