I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
