My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
