I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
