i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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