i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
