WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
