Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
