I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
