I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
