Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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