I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
