After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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