I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
