I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
