i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
