I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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