weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
