Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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