i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
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I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
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Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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