If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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