Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
