You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
