I wish my penis had an off switch
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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