That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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