I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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