The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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