you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
