there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
