At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
True college students do jello shots in the library
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