he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
