I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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