The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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