Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
