I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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