her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
