the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
