glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Randomize
