I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
