I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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