I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize