Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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