Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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