I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
