why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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