you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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