Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
