Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
