There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
