I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize