Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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