Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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