I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
