Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
