Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
