just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
