she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
