He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
