I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
