i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
