She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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