Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
