I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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