on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
