We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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