Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
