well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
