Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
