oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize