Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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