I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
