u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
