So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
