I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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