Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
