You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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