You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
