I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Randomize
