Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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