how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
