good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
