I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
