Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
