you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
